I stopped watching Kim Kardashian's sex tape after five minutes. The Paris Hilton tape made me hate Paris Hilton, the China tape made me sad, and the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee tape made me wonder how two people so accustomed to the camera could have such a tragically flawed sense of what might be hot to watch on a videotape. So I approached the new Amy Fisher videotape with expectations lowered to the point that no matter how bad it might have been, I could not possibly have been disappointed.

From that perspective, Amy Fisher Caught on Tape is the Citizen Kane of celebrity fuckery; indeed, from any perspective at all, the DVD has to be called the best celebrity porn release ever --